Who Would You Vote For? Dawn in Odeo, the morning after the Shin nen kai before. Officer Sengoku picked his way up the front steps of the central police station. He'd let the Varsus unit park the squad car downstairs, so that their... passenger... could be decanted straight into the drunk tank. What a bit of luck. The bastard had hurled his cookies all over Varsus - this time - and not him. Yaah! He'd even get away with the mopping-up duty as he was about to go off-shift. Magic! Seems like the squad had had the usual festive good time, whilst he was on duty. The stairs were littered with all the usual post-party debris: bottles, underwear, vomit, bodies... Sengoku vaulted over the prone form of a fellow, uniformed, officer; stupid sod could have at least tried to find a better place to pass out. Whoever the guy's chief was, the shit-wit was going to catch it. Certs! Public image, and all that crap. Even if the usual, `public', that visited were hardly likely to be bothered by the sight of someone dead-drunk, or drugged, or just plain dead... Sengoku paused thoughtfully, and did a quick double take, just making sure that the sucker was still breathing. A snore that sounded like a horse farting assured him that life was not extinct, so he pounded on up the rest of the steps, and towards the main entrance. And nearly collided with Officer Okane on her way out. She peered down at him malignantly, through the great-grandmother of all black eyes, then seemed to focus enough to identify him. "Glad to see some skiver managed to finish her shift early", Sengoku said in an overly bright, and cheerful, voice. With any luck she'd have a thumping fucking headache too, and the saccharine act would really drive her nuts. Okane glared again, and puffed a jet from her coffin-nail straight down into his face. He coughed loudly, "Jeezus! Are you, and that fuck-cunt upstairs in some sort of, `obnoxious cigarette smokers', contest?" "Nah!", she rubbed at an impressive swathe of road rash peppering the left side of her face, "just felt more in need of a ciggy than normal. Shit. I'm not even out of the public area yet. Ooh, scary. Someone'll be docking my pay by Y500, again. Might as well make the citation worth my while." She hawked, and spat a glob of bloody phlegm over the stair wall. "Fuck! That's disgusting!", Sengoku laughed. "You're just so fucking butch!" "You know it. Well seems like I saw more action than you, last night, Sensan. All I get is a faint whiff of puke. You weren't..?" "No! It 's just some twat I found all partied out. His friends had left him tied to the railings outside, `the Gentle Lamb', trouserless, and a rum bottle somewhere I don't want to think about. Someone'll ring his home, or his office, and he'll just have to worry about what he's going to tell them. And how he's going to pay the fine for spewing over police property." He smiled to himself, thinking of Varsus' mechanical outrage. "So, Kansan, what happened to the biggest dyke North of Ikebukuro, then?" "Three bar fights, one mugging, a chase down the high loops bay-side..." "Yaah! No sympathy. You volunteered for bike duty, remember?" "Fuck you! It's the smell of the fish that does it. Besides - I've got an image to maintain!" "Yeah, I know. The station's own Dyke-on-a-bike. C'm on then. Give. How'd ya crash it?" Okane fingered the graze again. "Some smart-ass drunk who thought that lying down in the middle of the road was a really cool idea. I swerved to avoid her - BIG mistake. Hit a patch of ice. Walloped off of the barriers. The helmet guard snapped, damn thing flew off. Straight into the windscreen of a truck. Lost the fucking joyriders..." "And fell off! Wuss!" "Fuck you!" Okane yawned, and stretched out her arms. Slowly, and deliberately, she popped her knuckles. Sengoku winced, why in fuck's name did people do that? Gogul drove him mad with it in the squad room - when he wasn't decimating bubblewrap. Or Benten wasn't emery- boarding his nails. Christ! Did people have NO respect for a hangover these days? "Okay, Kansan. I won't keep you. You'll be wanting to get home, and have Nuala put something wet on that scrape." She smirked. "I might even let her stick Savlon on it too!" "Yaaaahhhh!" They slapped a high five. "See you in fifteen", she yelled, as she pounded down the stairs. "Don't rub all those scabs off! If you pick them, they won't get better!", he replied. As he turned away there was a thud, and a cry of, `Shit!'. Oh. Maybe he should have told her about Mr. Comatose? "BASTARD!" Thump. "SQUEAL!" Rumble. Oh, well. He shrugged, Okane'd dealt with it. The doors slid open, and the chirpy auto voice welcomed him to the station, and wished him a good day, and a happy holiday. It scanned his identity, and logged his time of arrival on the duty roster. As he walked through the security doors, into the restricted squad areas, the same voice announced his arrival. "Officer Sengoku has returned safely. He has issued Three traffic offence tickets, and one perpetrator is being logged into the alcohol recovery area. Performance assessment for the night is assessed at 89.725..." No-one looked up from desks, paperwork, or end of shift nap; useless fucking invention, he never knew anyone who paid attention to anything but their own stats. And you heard all about those from other sources anyway. And today most officers had hangovers, or were clustered around the screens watching the incoming results of the, `Best Fanny in Oedo', competition. Sengoku spotted Gogul's head rising above the level of the knot of people, crowded around the screens. Several officers yelled abuse as Gogul blocked the view of the local news, for several rows behind him. He growled back - good naturedly - and let one of the agency typists scale his back, and settle on his shoulders, for a better look. More people groaned, and tried to fight their way to a better position. As Sengoku got closer the audience began to whoop, and yell, as the local news announcer launched into her variation of the yearly commentary. "...it began unofficially about fifty years ago, on the net, as an antidote to the, `Miss World Contest', also held at this time, and it has escalated into one of the city's most hotly contested competitions. Thousands of entries are received from homes, offices, and factories, every year - and there are now several categories of entry. Plain, `best Fanny', `humorous rude bits', `artistic smut', and, `novelty'. The judges are picked at random from previous years winners; and the prize? Nothing but being acknowledged owner of Oedo's most fantastic fanny!" Sengoku strolled up to the electronic bulletin boards, where all the station's entries were displayed. God! He loved this job sometimes! The whole watch had found the Syensuke was uncannily good at identifying the various tits, and bits, displayed. `A natural talent', he'd told them all, smugly. `Proof that he's really observant, that's good in a police officer', said Okio. `Worrying obsession with sex', Hasegawa kept threatening to put in his report, but never did. Sengoku hummed softly as he passed along the board, yup! All the usual suspects. But this one... Sengoku stood back, and squinted. He knew this muff! Unusual angle, yes. Flattened a bit - probably from sitting on the flat-bed scanner - a mole that just didn't seem right, but hauntingly familiar... "Waaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!" Sengoku's jaw suddenly decided to become very uncool, and gape. Fucking hell on a crutch! It was Okio's twat! He pressed closer to the screen, no doubt about it. Okio's! And according to the little percentage total scrolling up next to the picture, she was well on the way to winning this year's, `best fanny'. He was stunned. WOW! He was going out with the potential winner of, `Best Muff in the City'. YES! Sengoku did a little victory dance: hip waggling, and air-punching. Still, that mole - or was it a tattoo? - bothered him. So - still boogying - he fought his way through the crush to Gogul. After all, it was alleged, he had the best equipment in the office - and his scanner was shit hot too! Finally the sharpest elbows in Oedo managed to get Gogul's attention, with a grunt the movable mountain turned around and grinned down at Sengoku. "Well, well, well. It's Mister Nobody-throws-up-in-my-patrol-car-and-lives. What took you so long? Were you scraping the sludge of Varsus? Seen the piccies?". "Yeah! And they're bloody fantastic! How did you manage to get Okio on-line, though? She's normally so, so, old-fashioned!" Gogul jiggled the giggling blonde about on his shoulders, nodding his head so that his Mohican did something obviously deliciously obscene, and - as her thighs tightened about his neck - his grin got wider, and dirtier. "The benefits of a quiet, dark room, a private scanner, a birthday, and twelve of Nuala chan's alcoholic jellies." "You raided Kansan's fridge space again!?! And you expect to live?" "She loves me really. Anyway, with that jaw scrape she'll be off solids for a while." Gogul made to turn back to the screen, but Sengoku blocked his way. "Uh-uh. Not so fast. First - give. What's that birthmark all about?" Gogul sighed, and began to plough his way out of the crowd like a dreadnought, apologising every few steps for crushed toes, body-slams, or stray-leg-slap from his companion. Sengoku trailed in his wake. Gogul got up to the board, and slapped his mini keyboard next to Okio's section. After a bit of key tapping, the image of the small, black, mark blew up enough for Sengoku to identify it as extremely elegant kanji. A very polished hand had written, `Property of the Odeo Police Department', on Okio's butt, in characters so tiny as to be nearly invisible. Sengoku rocked back, "Phew! Gogul I knew you'd got the delicate touch with electronics, but this...", he gestured towards the writing. "Ah-ah. Not me. Benten." Sengoku's eyes narrowed, "what? You let that rampant fuck-bunny near *my* girlfriend? I thought you, and Okio, were alone?" Gogul didn't look in the slightest bit embarrassed. "I never said we were on our own, I just said the room was quiet, and the scanner was private. That's true, it's mine." "So, who was there then?" "Let's see: Okio - obviously - Benten, me, and Hasegawa." Sengoku began to turn a nasty shade of puce. "You want to watch that", said the concerned secretary from aloft, "high blood pressure's really bad for you." Gogul carried on as if nothing were happening. "Yeah, after I convinced her that entering the competition was a really good idea..." "After you got her drunk!" "...I decided that the images needed a little, extra, `zing'. They were up to my usual standard, but I wanted to do something really special -seeing as it was Okio `n' all - and it was her first time. But none of the pre-programmed images I've got - or any of the downloads - seemed to fit. And, as it was an artistic decision, Benten seemed like the best person to ask. So, in he comes, has a close look at the canvas..." "grrrrr...." "...whips out his eyeliner, and Ka-pow! We've got instant artwork. He says that that much fine work'll ruin his eyesight, or something will. Heh, heh, heh. So we pops Okio back on the flatbed..." "Gosh!", gasped the blonde, "wasn't that getting a teensy bit too hot by then?" Gogul tightened his grip on her legs, she sounded pissed enough to fall off, and do herself a damage. And that wasn't in Gogul's plans for the rest of the day at all. Oh no... "S'all right, Sweetpea. We'd got that covered too! See - Hasegawa'd come in to find out what all the noise was about, `n' he thought of that as well. `N' he says, seeing as he'd probably get stuck with the bill if we broke the scanner and requisitioned a new one..." "I thought it was your scanner?" "Wouldn't stop me puttin' in a claim... Anyway, an' we'd never clear the smell of singed hair out of the room an' all the other department heads would be on to him complainin'. AND how would he manage to explain it to Okio's parents, or the medical board if we did her a damage, `n' who'd answer his letters, get his coffee, keep you occupied at nights - so he always knows where to find you..." "Okay! So the bastard was being his usual whining self. What's that got to do with Okio's bum self-combusting?" "I was getting to that. He nips outside and comes back with this big jug of iced water, that he dips that handkerchief of his in it, packs some ice cubes into it, and every time she looks like getting too warm..." "SNARL!!!" The girl on Gogul's shoulders looked worried, "but, hey! I thought all that water around the scanner would be bad news? I mean - don't they blow up, or something?" Gogul patted one of his jacket pockets, "Hmmmm.... that reminds me - I must pop this bill down to accounts... Stop grousing `Gokusan, she went home with nothin' worse than a sore head, from all those Tequila jellies. Probably sleeping it off right now, I'll just leave the results of the contest of her p.c." He peered along the line of images, "Ah ha! Great! We're even getting votes for the other stuff I sent in." Despite himself Sengoku was interested, "Who's this lot then?" Gogul drew back, proudly, "Well after all that jelly - and you can't tell me Nuala chan don't know we eat it - have you seen how many she makes every year? Well, some of the rest of us decided to enter too. Git-face had to set himself up as artistic director, so there's none of him, thank fuck! But we did get some other good poses. This one for instance." There was a very tasteful picture of Okio covered in luminous golden swirls, bearing the legend, `They've dipped me in the lesbian's honey. Goddess knows who they're going to throw me to!' Sengoku groaned, "Kansan's *really* going to kill you, this time." Next to it was a series of shots of Benten on a bed of gentle pink, and blood crimson, petals - clutching one long stem white rose - strategically placed. "You didn't take *those* on the scanner." "Nope. Used the mobile crime scene viewer, it gives that lovely portrait feel, don't it?" All three contemplated for a moment, heads tilted on one side. The next series of pictures in line were of Gogul. One in particular stood out, `Hello, girls. Have you met Dougal?' "That's sacrilege", said Sengoku, "`the Magic Roundabout', is a classic! And how did you keep those fucking noodles in that position anyway?" Both Gogul, and blondie, sniggered filthily. Sengoku - good humour somewhat restored moved down the line again. A large sapphic contingent seemed to be voting for a very grainy, off centre, picture of a pair of tits - entitled, `Best Dykley Bosom'. "Kansan.", he said, "this isn't one of yours is it, Gogul?" "Puhl-eeze! Even in my chiaroscuro phase, I'd do better than that! Nah... Kansan was just determined not to be left out, so she popped into the foyer of the central library, whipped her uniform off, and sent them in. She might even get a prize at that, probably from all the Onnabe's she's arrested over the years. Too small for my taste..." "Gogul, the Himalayas aren't pointy enough for you!" Man mountain snorted, and playfully slurped at his companions inner thigh. She squealed, and giggled, "what IS she on?", Sengoku asked. "My face." "You're an impossible bastard", Sengoku groaned. "And I don't suppose you saved me any of the loot from Kansan's locker?" "`Course I did. Vodka flavour on yer desk". "Ah... That almost makes up for you letting Okio run riot. I think I'll type up the night's report, then go home. Hell! I might even wake up the winner of the big prize on my way past - all the results should be in by then." "Oh, yeah", said Gogul, "I almost forgot. Our shitwit of a boss left a little extra assignment on your desk, this morning, before he left. He says it shouldn't take long." Sengoku groaned, "BASTARD!!! What a fucking Shin nen kai gift!!! What is it?" "Seems he'd like you to investigate Oedo primary". "Why?" "Well, for a start he wants to know what happens in their biology classes - and report if the curriculum might not be a bit too, `advanced'. Then he wants to know who - besides the janitor - was in the building last night, and why. Check up to make sure if it was any of the kids." "Has that fucker got nothing better to worry about? Now he's got us checking out school lessons? Hardly hard core crime, is it? Jeezus! What IS his problem?" "Dunno, `Gokusan. But... have you checked out the caption competition?"